Someday We’ll be looking back December 27, 2008

Memories we’ll have of the times that we’ve been through.

The best of times. So why leave them behind?

 

This is my last Saturday on the College Program. I have to say it has been quite a journey. I have made some amazing friends and I have also done some amazing things. Things I never in a million years thought I would do. I am not going to forget this experience any time soon!

Tonight is Girl’s Night at the Apartment and I am very excited. I haven’t seen my one roommate in over a week because her family was here. I am super excited to get to hang out with her again. Especially because she is leaving the program early because her work schedule allows her to. Grrr

My family comes in a few short days and I am very very very excited to see them! I know I will enjoy every moment of their visit.

It hits hard December 20, 2008

“True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn’t break any spells?”  Pg 411 New Moon

 

This struck the biggest chord in me last night when I read it. Suddenly I could not stop thinking about it. Then suddenly it hit me. The reason why this entire book bothers me and why this quote struck a chord in me was because this is like my life. This is how I feel. This is my fear…fear of being alone, fear of nothingness. 

I have felt like this before. Like I had lost true love. Like I was not a princess. I have good guy friends, and I’ve wondered what the protocol for random kisses was. Would it ruin things? Would my true love mind, even if he wasn’t here? It’s strange how I thought about this. 

I found it so funny how much I related to Bella. How much someone I know relates to Edward. It’s eerie. Like someone was watching us. I suppose a lot of people are saying that these days. “Oh I’m like Bella and my best guy friend is like Edward or Jacob.”  But it’s weird. 

I never was into Twilight until I went to see the movie. As I sat there, I almost dropped my jaw. It was strange. Of course, it would only happen to me. 

 

*sigh*, just had to write about it!

Strong ARms December 12, 2008

You know when you are sick and you just want to be at home in bed all warm and snug? Or how you might want your mom there to take care of you? Sure I crave that but the thing I crave the most when I am sick is a pair of strong arms. Not so they can lift me or carry me around. No. I just want strong arms to hold me. To make me feel safe, to know everything is alright. I get this fear sometimes that I will get to sick to function. I know it’s not true, at least for now. But I get that fear and I just want to be comforted. I’m far away from home right now and I am sick. I wish I had those strong arms. 

I am reading Twilight and I am very caught up in it. More so than I should be. You see, Edward is pretty much how I pictured Mr. Right. How I still see Mr. Right everytime I close my eyes. Not the vampire, but the cautious, curious, longing filled man who wants so badly to be with the one girl he is not supposed to want, to have. Yet somehow, we manage. The relationship is beautiful. Fascinating. Breathtaking. 

When it happens it will be more than I dreamed. I just am starting to lose hope. Afraid I will settle for less. I’m just afraid.